Depression and Thoughts of Suicide: Deborah's Story - Episode 2
In part 2 of this provoking series, Deborah reveals a time when her grip on sanity was slipping away. She discusses the stages of therapy that were unhelpful and the steps she took to finally make herself feel whole again. This is Deborah's story.
My mother actually saw me doing this, she like saw me running to the bathroom and she managed to open the door just before I locked it. I don't know if I was really gonna do it or if I was just kinda hoping that she would come in, but she came to the bathroom and, but we talked, we had a really good close relationship because she was pretty much the only friend I had.
She took me to UMDNJ that same night, but they put me on medication and I just felt numb most of the time and I actually almost preferred feeling depressed than feeling numb. It just felt like I was going through my days and like everything was pretty much blurry, nothing was happening. I just decided to stop taking it and I didn't tell my parents about it. I didn't tell my mom, just stopped taking it and I just tried like to, every time I caught myself feeling sad and depressed I just try to like go do something else, like I turn into art, like art, painting and photography.
It kinda helped me like put my emotions out there without having to really explain them in words and I think a lot of people who look to find relationships to help them improve their life, I think you have to fix yourself before you can actually find someone that you can be happy with.
I have actually gotten into a relationship recently and I've been pretty happy. My boyfriend right now is a really good guy and he doesn't have a lot of issues, that I don't have to try to fix him and he doesn't try to fix me and we kind of accept each other and it works out that way.